CrunchyMom's Guide to Car Seat Safety [Part Two]

In my last post I listed the most common car seat laws and safety guidelines in the United States.  In this post I will list more car seat safety tips and guidelines. 

Car seat safety has become even more important to me as yesterday I was in an accident with both my children and my fiance in the car.  After picking up my car from the "shop" where they replaced two of my tires and rotated all of them, I heard a bumpy noise upon leaving the parking lot.  I went to the gas station and then started back home.  The sound got worse and the steering wheel started moving on its own.  I slowed down to turn around and go back to the "shop" to have them check it out when my passenger side front tire flew off and across the sidewalk.  Luckily, we were going less than 15 mph, but had we been going any faster, it could have been bad.  Our seat belts and my children's car seats kept us from being thrown forward and to the right when the tire flew off.

Car Seat Safety Tips & Guidelines

• Never ever EVER alter your child safety seat in any way.  This includes but is not limited to:

1. Handmade or store bought custom car seat covers.  Sure they're cute, but they aren't safe.  Some manufacturers make different covers specifically for their car seats.  This is fine because it's made by the manufacturer FOR that particular car seat.
2. Head positioners.  If your car seat comes with a head positioner it's fine to use it.  You can also remove these as the car seat will have been tested with and without the positioner.  However, if your car seat didn't come with one, DO NOT add one.
3. Towels under harness straps.  I honestly wasn't aware of this one, but apparently it's among the bad advice given to parents.  Do not put ANYTHING between your child and the straps.
4. Some manufacturers consider toy bars to be dangerous and use of them will void your warranty.
 

• Make sure your car seats safety straps are adjusted properly for your child.  The rule (at least the one I have heard most often) is, if you're rear facing, the straps should be at the slot at or just underneath your child's shoulders and come up and over your child's shoulders.  If you're forward facing the straps should be at or just above your child's shoulders.

• Never use puffy jackets or snowsuits with car seats.  The rule is- if you have to adjust the straps to allow for the extra thickness of the jacket or snowsuit, it's dangerous.  Try a thinner but warmer jacket or just put your child in warm clothing, strap them in, put a blanket over their body, and bring the jackets and snowsuits with (for going between the car and your destination and/or emergencies in cold weather).  I know this one is harder for us mommas in colder climates, but it's safer.  Your child can be thrown out of their jacket and their car seat.  I've heard stories of children being thrown from the car seat but their jacket still being under the straps.

• This is one I don't understand, but I'm putting it here anyway, because it says so in my manual, and lots of mommas online brought this one to my attention as well.  When driving, make sure the handle on an infant seat is down (and clicked down too, not just haphazardly pushed down- I get on my fiance's case all the time about this one). 

• There should only be one inch or less of wiggle room at the bottom of the car seat or car seat base.

• Find a car seat that works for your child AND your vehicle.  Some car seats don't work too well in some vehicles.  For example, my daughters convertible car seat works great in my car, but it tilts and moves too much in my fiance's car.  Some stores will let you test out car seats before you buy.  Most will let you return a seat if it doesn't work for your child or vehicle.

• At least 80% of the car seats base should be on the vehicle's seat.

• Rear facing car seats should be at angled at 45 degrees or less.  This is so baby's head stays in contact with the seat and their airways are kept open.

• Use the pinch test to make sure the harness straps are tight enough.  You shouldn't be able to pinch the straps at the shoulder.

• In a five point harness seat, the clip should be at chest level, in between your child's armpits.

• Use either the cars latch system OR the seat belt to secure the car seat.  Do not use both.

• Car seats generally expire after six years.  Some expire after ten years, however.  Please make sure by checking the expiration date of your car seat.  A lot of seats will have the expiration date stamped on the bottom.

• Never buy or borrow a used car seat unless you are absolutely 100% sure of it's history.  People selling things online or in a garage sale want to make money and probably wont be completely honest with you about when they bought it or if it's ever been in an accident.

• Once your car seat has been in an accident, it's time to replace it.

• Check your car seat frequently for signs of wear or damage.

• Only add toys to a toybar that you would be comfortable having hit your child in the head or face.  Don't use hard toys.  Toys can injure your child in a crash.

• Learn to lock your seat belts to keep the car seat installed tightly.  

• Make sure you check the manufacturers instructions for cleaning your car seat.  Bleach and rough washing can damage straps, buckles, and other parts, and you want those parts working properly if you're in a crash.

• Frighteningly enough, some car seat experts have seen people using duct tape and bungee cords to repair car seats or replace parts of car seats.  I swear to God if any of you ever do this, or if I see anyone do this, I will literally explode and then haunt you for the rest of my life.

• Don't ignore the height and weight restrictions on your car seat.  If your child is too heavy, the straps can pull through.  If they're too tall, their heads wont be protected in a crash.

• If your child is tall, their legs bending or touching the back of the vehicles seat is NOT an excuse to switch to forward facing.  That being said, I do know a woman whose 10 month old daughter literally has to sit almost completely cross legged when rear facing.  I honestly can't find any information on what to do in that situation.  However, I'm fairly certain that this situation is extremely rare.

• Don't put car seats on grocery carts unless the cart has a system specifically meant to secure a car seat (apparently these exist, I've never seen any though).  Children have died when their parents hit a bump with the cart and the car seat falls off.

• Remember that anything loose in the car can be a potential hazard.  Got a case of soda on the seat?  Got an ice scraper in the back?  In a crash, anything can fly anywhere, so it's best to put these things in the trunk or rear of an SUV/MiniVan.

• An old and outdated rule is that you should be able to fit two fingers between your child and the seat belt or harness straps.  This is NOT true.  The belt and/or straps need to be tighter than that.  Use the pinch test to determine if the straps are tight enough.

• If you use your vehicles latch system, read your vehicles manual to make sure you know the weight limits and guidelines for using this system!  Different vehicles have different guidelines so make sure you know the guidelines for YOUR vehicle.

• The safest place for a car seat is in the middle of the back seat.  However, it's more important that the car seat be properly installed.  If the seat can be more safely installed on a "window seat" then put it there.  And obviously if you have more than one child, you can't do this.  I have two children and always put the youngest in the middle.

• Always wear your own seat belt to be a good example for your children.

• I asked for input on Facebook and one lovely woman said:  RYDM!  (read your damn manual)  I really like this, so I will repeat her advice, RYDM!

The most important thing I can add to this list is:  If you're confused or unsure, find a car seat tech and have the seat properly installed and have them show you how to install it correctly!

Remember that contrary to popular belief, most police officers and firefighters are NOT trained in car seat safety.  Always have your seat installation checked out by a certified car seat technician.

CrunchyMom's Guide to Car Seat Safety [Part One]

Car seat safety is a big deal among crunchy parents.  Everyone is talking about car seat safety, and jumping down other mother's throats when it comes to this issue.  For those of you who feel overwhelmed with all the car seat nazi talk going around, I've constructed this article which includes all the car seat safety tips and laws that I can find.

Car Seat Laws & Guidelines

• All children should be in an appropriate car seat or booster seat until they are 4 feet 9 inches tall and 80-100 pounds.  Most children will reach these limits between 8-12 years of age.

• Children 12 years of age and under must remain in the back seat of the car at all times.

• Infant style car seats are best for small infants and are usually usable from 4-5 pounds (birth-weight) until 20-22 pounds.  Different manufacturers have different guidelines, so please use this only as a general idea and CHECK YOUR CAR SEAT MANUAL for actual guidelines.  

• Convertible car seats are generally considered the safest option.  They usually can be used rear facing from birth to 20-22 pounds and forward facing from 20 pounds to 40-65 pounds depending on the model.  Try to get a seat with the highest rear and forward facing limits that you can both find and afford.

• Federal law says that children must remain rear facing until age one AND 20 pounds as a minimum.  New rear facing guidelines recommend rear facing your child until two years of age.  Because of these new recommendations, some convertible seats are now able to be used in a rear facing position until much higher weights.  Check your model for manufacturers guidelines and limits regarding weight/height recommendations.

• The guidelines for booster seats are usually age four, and 40 pounds or more.  However, if your child can still ride safely in his/her convertible seat, that is the best option.  From car-safety.org : "If a child's shoulders are above the level of the top slots in their regular car seat, or the tops of their ears are above the top of the shell, then they may be able to move to a booster or another forward-facing seat which accommodates taller children.  Usually a child can be moved to a booster when they are too big for a harnessed car seat, and once they are able to sit properly in a seat belt."

• When your child is using a booster seat, the seat belt must be used properly.  Do not put the shoulder belt under their arm or behind their back.  Also, make sure the lap belt rests across their hips, not the soft part of their stomach.  You must use both the lap belt and the shoulder belt with a booster seat.

• Owners of pickup trucks that don't have an extended cab or in which the extended cab is too small or incompatible with a child safety seat can legally have their child's car seat in the front seat of the truck.  However, the passenger air bag must be turned OFF when there are children riding in the front of the truck. 

• Your child is ready to use a seat belt without a booster seat when they can pass the Safety Belt Fit Test.

The Safety Belt Fit Test [from safekids.org]

• Have your child sit in a back seat with their bottom and back against the vehicle’s seat back.  Do the child’s knees bend at the seat’s edge?  If yes, go on. If not, the child must stay in a booster seat.
• Buckle the seat belt.  Does the lap belt stay low on the hips?  If yes, go on.  If it rests on the soft part of the stomach, the child must stay in a booster seat.
• Look at the shoulder belt. Does it lay on the collarbone and shoulder? If yes, go on. If it is on the face or neck, the child must remain in a booster seat.
  
  
  • Never put the shoulder belt under the child’s arm or behind the child’s back. Do not allow children to play with the shoulder portion of a seat belt. Treat it like any cord.
• Can the child maintain the correct seating position with the shoulder belt on the shoulder and the lap belt low across the hips? If yes, the child has passed the Safety Belt Fit Test. If no, the child should return to a booster seat and re-test in a month.  

Don't forget to read Part Two of my car seat safety series!

Do Realistic Attachment Parents Exist? (or are they all birth, car seat, and breastfeeding nazis?)

After a lot of thought and a lot of debating, I've decided that I need to change the focus of this blog.  I've spent so much of my life not being myself, not being true to myself, at all, and it needs to stop.  I need at least one aspect of my life (other than with my kids, they always love me for me) where I can be ME and this is it. 

For the past week or so, my heart hasn't been into writing.  I feel as if I am merely going through the motions, recycling the same old thing that's on every attachment parenting, natural parenting, or green mom blog.  I sat down and thought about what makes me unique.  And, as I was writing a blog post (coming soon, I promise) about car seat safety, I realized...

I may be an attachment focused parent.  I may breastfeed, cloth diaper, use cloth wipes (and occasionally "the family cloth"), eat vegetarian, babywear, cosleep, and never ever ever spank my kids.  I may even have a son who is lucky because I left him intact.

But I am not fanatical.   

• I'm not ridiculously overprotective (even when I want to be).
• I take long baths, even though I know it's not great, I reduce my carbon footprint in other ways, like not eating meat (which is something that even some of the most hardcore green, natural living people can't seem to give up).
• I did not have a medication free homebirth.  I not only had a C Section, but it was PLANNED and I demanded it.  That was my way of owning my own birth. I will do it again (and probably again after that).  The only thing that I dislike about this method of birthing is that I can only have four children.  Otherwise, it's my ideal method of delivering babies.
• I don't always eat organic. Mostly because I can't afford to.
• I didn't keep my daughter in a rear facing car seat until the age of 13 (in fact I was counting down the days until I could turn her around).
• Even though I believe that "breast is best", I have no urge to gang up on women who chose to formula feed.  It's their choice.  I may not think it's the right choice, but it's not my choice to make.  I fed my daughter formula because she had major reflux which was affected by breastmilk, as well as some other formulas.  We give Parker one or two bottles of formula a day, not only so that his dad can enjoy feeding him, but so I can have a break once in a while.  We love our breastfeeding relationship, and I refuse to give it up (especially the night feedings), but once in a while it's nice to be able to hand him to Nate and go read a book in the teatub (bath in our family).
• I don't wear my baby in the house constantly.  I wear him a lot.  I was babywearing when babywearing was only cool on the east coast.  Back when your only choice was Baby Bjorn and they were ridiculously expensive.  But I don't wear him all over the house.  I really do want to wear him more at home, but sometimes it's just not practical.  Like this one time... when I was doing laundry...  let's just say he wasn't a fan of being squished between his short mommy and the washer.
• While I generally follow safe cosleeping practices, I don't have just a mattress, with no boxspring, on the floor.  I did that when I was poor and pregnant with my daughter and couldn't afford a mattress, I'm not about to go back to it.  I've gone through the trouble of making sure there are no spaces between the mattress and the wall that baby can fall into so I think that's adequate. 
• I don't think television is evil.  I think it can be bad when children watch TV and play video games and never go outside or move around and exercise.  But it scares me that some moms talk about secondhand TV watching.  Really?  TV is not like cigarette smoke.  It can't "come and get" your child.  Having a TV on in the background in the room where your child is wont turn your child into a big, dumb, fat, blob of stupid.  I promise.  My daughter has had plenty of exposure to TV and she's ridiculously gifted, always outside playing and running around, and she's actually underweight (her dad has can't-gain-weight genes.  Yes, I do hate him because of it.)  It's how you utilize the television and how often that matters.
• Similarly, I let my four year old watch the X Files.  She likes it, it doesn't desensitize her, and even though she gets scared, it's scary in a fun way for her.  Just because you like scary stuff doesn't mean you're desensitized and are going to become a serial killer.  There are some things I wont allow her to watch, but I'm not crazy protective about it.  Eventually she'll get to the age where she'll find a way to watch it anyway and that age really isn't that far off.
• I don't believe mothers need to be slaves to their children in order to practice attachment parenting.  Some moms let themselves be guilted into servitude in an effort to attach.  My children and I are ridiculously attached.  I've lost a lot of friends because of my desire to spend most of my time with my children.  However, I also carve out some time for myself every day.  I was a person before I had children and I will be a person after they move out.  Some of you may be confused and I hate to break the bad news- your children will someday move out of your home- and if they don't you probably did something wrong. (Of course there are always special circumstances...)  
• On a similar note,  I absolutely HATE mothers who ONLY talk about their children.  I call them Zombie Moms.  Don't get me wrong, I talk about my children probably 90% of the time, but that other 10% I'm talking about my hobbies and interests and dreams and goals.  Some of which do NOT involve my children.  I believe that if the only aspect of your personality is the fact that you're a mom, you need to get a hobby.  I'm not saying you shouldn't talk about your kids, because I do that way more than I should myself, I'm simply saying that it's a problem if you can't find anything else to talk about.  If all you are is a mom, then your husband might start looking elsewhere for stimulating conversation.  You need to be that sexy, unforgettable, incredible, brilliant woman he fell in love with once in a while. (I've chosen Wednesdays for these occasions.  After Criminal Minds is over of course.)
• Lastly, I hate it when parents are ridiculously out of touch.  Do they really not remember being that age?  I remember being every age (except, obviously, younger than 2) and I think it helps to look back to how you felt about certain things when you were that age.  Granted, some times you were wrong, but sometimes your parents were too.  This tends to repeat itself.

I'm sure there are many more examples I could give you, but I'll stop rambling and summarize the whole point of this post.

I'm sick of trying to fit into a circle when I am entirely square.  I definitely am a crazy, crunchy, attachment parenting, trying-to-be-more-green mom.  But I refuse to give up, not only who I am, but also, good old fashioned common sense, in order to fit in to a niche.

So I will share thoughts on attachment parenting and crunchiness from my own perspective, even though it might be a little less breastfeeding-cloth diapering-car seat-birth nazi than some other blogs.

If we want other women to listen to us, and to adopt some of these ideas, and to spread the word about our causes, we need to be less in-your-face and more realistic.  Not every woman can afford an extended height and/or weight five point harness car seat.   Some women are simply not able to breastfeed.  Not everyone cherishes the idea of sleeping on the floor.  There are women who really DO NOT want to forgo medication during childbirth and who feel safer giving birth with a doctor present. 

There are varying degrees of crunchiness, and I absolutely abhor the idea of shoving my ideas and beliefs down other peoples throats.  With things I'm really passionate about, like not circumcising or vegetarianism, I try to bring the good points out first, and then hit the negatives.  No one likes to be yelled at and told they're a bad mother.  When we attack women for doing things differently (using a car seat slightly wrong, formula feeding, circumcising, or getting an epidural) we only make ourselves look fanatical and crazy (like Tom Cruise talking about psychiatry).  It's not going to make others listen to us, it's going to make others shut us out.  If we really want to get our message out, we need to stop demanding that our way is best, like a bitchy little clique, and instead show them that our way is open to all and adaptable.

"This above all, To Thine Own Self Be True."

- Polonius (Hamlet - Act 1 - Scene 3 - Line 78)

I am very much open to comments and criticisms in my comments.  I am all about the debate, so if you so desire, feel free to bring it on.  Those who agree with me, I would love to hear from you as well.